On Forgiveness

I’ve never been one to forgive and forget. Italians have a way of holding a grudge all the way into their afterlife and quite possibly their rebirth, if you believe in that sort of thing. But as five years ago I have tried to suck the poison out of my life as Cady did in Mean Girls.

And thus, I started to forgive but not forget. Something my mom always suggested I do. Forgive my prior boyfriends for being scum to humanity, but not forget the lessons they taught me. Forgive Stephanie Mayer for ending the books in a way that I seriously did not like, but not forget that she broke my heart.

Recently, a dear friend of mine, from back in my dark, angsty teen years, found herself in a dire situation in which aggressive and easily agitated Jessica (me) could not avoid being terribly outspoken in.

A mother of three, at the age of 25, she is married and seems to have her shit together with her husband. Whom, I have never liked. Ever. Pretty misogynistic, cocky and a little unhinged at times, but never any of my business. Until I’m creeping around on Facebook (See my nosey neighbor post) and stumble upon a comment she had posted on a parenting page about how her husband hit her.

Pretty much instantaneously I texted aforementioned friend, we’ll call her Peggy. After a period of Peggy venting she lets a lot of lovely in formation slip out. Including her husband hit her in front of her babies; her husband kicked their very large dog, broke his rib, and ultimately had to be put down. He was around two years old. And that he had hit her so hard her breasts stopped producing milk. Milk vital to the development of her new-born baby.

Then, while she is angry and telling me all of this stuff, thing’s I’ve always known, like his emotional abusive behavior, she hopes he will change. Readers. He’s been this way since the beginning. He single-handedly alienated all of her friends, including me. She was a religious girl, always trying to get me to go, and he took that from her. She was literally the light of a room, sarcasm and mischief dripping off of her in puddles. He took that from her. Everything that made Peggy who she was, was stripped from her until she was a shell of a person raising their children.

But she seems to not see that. After pressing charges and filing for divorce I had multiple times told her to stay strong. It’s tough and I don’t blame weak moments, as long as you remember your purpose. If he can hit you once, he can hit you again, and he can easily hit the children.

I thought I had got my words through to her, I thought her dad had reinforced her self-worth some more when he ran in to save the day. I never thought that the reason she wasn’t responding to my text messages was because she was getting back together with him. But alas, a perusal of Facebook proved that very thing. They were out together. His arm was around her and she was, for god knows what reason, smiling and tagging him in posts.

So perhaps it’s good to forgive, and never good to forget. But I think you can tell the difference between a soul that is learning through life and a monster without one. Souls can forgive other souls and learn lessons. Monsters have no cognitive ability to do so. And Anthony? No amount of praying, counseling or good deeds can give you the 21 grams that you were born without.

There is help everywhere you look, even when you feel alone. Hell, if you’re going through something while you read this send me a message in the contact page, I’ll give you a pep talk(:


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